nataliekresen's posterous - Stumbling through...

September 4, 2008

Math, Romance and Culinary Invitations...

Couples.

Oh man, couples. What comes to mind for me are two basic equations that exist in the traditional heterosexual dating world, and they are:

1. Man + Woman = Love + Break-up = Ex (Start Again)

2. Man + Woman = Love - Break-up = Life Partner (Theory Completed)

We have all had to tackle these at some point, and some of us (ah hem) are still doing our worksheets like good little pupils.

While these equations seem simple, Man + Woman = Love is one of the hardest theories/practices to truly understand. For love and relationships can dictate whether we will be happy or miserable, fulfilled or empty while experiencing them. They have a profound impact on our lives if we are in one because we are either a.) struggling or b.) floating through.

Love. A topic my mind always returns to, mediates on, drives itself nuts over. I recently saw the new Woody Allen movie, Vicky Christina Barcelona which, briefly told, is an excellent story about two American girls who live in Barcelona for a summer and get intangled in their own definitions of love and commitment via a romantic, sensual painter who serves as the catalyst. Each girl is searching for this sort of 'everlasting' or 'true' love that surpasses all other, a real lifetime partnership. But Vicky and Christina, while looking for a very similar intensity of love, believe they'll find it in very, very different people and ways. This got me thinking...yes, we do all love in drastically different yet shocking similar ways...

Can we know ahead of time what it is we want? Can we map it out, outline it with bullet points, or are we just thrown into the jungle, crawling through the darkness on our hands & knees? Is it possible to fall in love after a few days, a few weeks, a few months? If so, it it just as possible to fall out of love in this time?

The Fallacy of: Love + Time = Intensity of Love

For many years I thought the true basis of a genuine 'love' relationship was in direct relation to time. The longer two people were together the more mighty the bond and the longer it took to recover if there was a break-up. So and So's been together for ten years, they must really have something great. Even I, when recounting my own romantic past have only spoke of my two long term relationships, each of which surpassed the year/s mark. But why? Were these relationships somehow better and more compatible for me than the numerous others that only lasted a few weeks or months before puttering out?

I used to think: yes, of course they were more meaningful/intense/loving/real than the brief ones and therefore I must use them to match all future relationships too. If I can make it with New Guy Y longer than Ex Guy Q, then I love Y more than I loved Q and if it ends with Y, I give myself permission to take an unreasonably longer time to get over it.

I now think: this is a bunch of crap. Love can't be measured by time, it's ludicrous really. Love can't really be measured at all except by one's self; it can't even be measured by the partner because he/she's coming from their own place. And yet there's much bragging when two people have dated for awhile-- Oh, Gary and I have been together since we were 19. I feel really lucky. Lucky. In some cases, yes, it's a testament that they care and are committed and have worked through things together but on the other hand Gary could be distant and emotionally unavailable and his girlfriend could be scared to leave him because she doesn't want to be alone.

We've all big egos when it comes to our stance on love. We judge others who don't feel the way that we do and we feel bad for those going down other relationship paths...couples feel bad for their single friends and single people feel bad for their friends who are in relationships. This all leads me to believe that none of us know what the heck we are doing. All this energy, all these thoughts, all this work, and at the end of it, do we know any more than we did when we started? Maybe a little, but not much.

Geeze, if we spent this much energy doing anything else, playing the violin, running, cooking...we'd certainly be masters. Perhaps that's the answer, perhaps our time is better spent cooking soufflé or playing in string quartets. Maybe it's time to start a giant cooking club and think about eggs, onions and olive oil instead of lust, disappointment and temptation. Yes, I think that might be a solid solution. Let's go crazy and create ten courses instead of three. Lets vent to our friends about the struggles of poaching fish, cry to our therapists about the tragedy of burning pot roast, write in our diaries about the stress in pounding steak tender. Let's group together and focus all energy on food. I've got a pan...even a few spatulas, and a measuring spoon...who's with me?

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Filed under // love relationships

Comments [8]

September 2, 2008

All Night Benders and Other Such Information...

I've been on a crazy, months-long-all-night-listening bender of the New
Pornographers lately.

Why? Because this band is kicking ass right now.

Besides the fact that they rock, their sound is fun, eclectic and upbeat.
And the best part: All of their songs DO NOT sound the same. I'm not going
to go into a long technical rant but I will point out why they're so damn
good. I'll stick to their album entitled Challengers because it's the one,
thus far, I've most explored. That's the great thing about music, once you
fall in love with an album, there are usually more to follow thus allowing for a
very long, very passionate relationship with a favored band...

Highlights from Challengers:

** Adventures in Solitude. This song is a union of voices, melodies &
lyrics. Every aspect (vocal, tone, rhythm, etc.) is in perfect synergy and
it echoes off itself, making for a unique and spiritually tender
quality. It just makes me happy. If songs were a facial expression, this
one would be a smile, a tiny upward curve of lips, not because it's a happy
song (lyrically it's not) but because the sounds are pure and bright.

** Challengers. Love at first sound. Most songs require multiple listens
before you can truly appreciate/become attached, but this one is so good it
doesn't need the courtship. Plus it highlights the myriad struggles faced in
relationships, a tedious subject, I know, but one they handle in an
effortless way, making it much more an artistic expression than a true
rendering of reality. Still, that's why we have art, right? To make our
challenges seem pretty and deep so we don't feel we've wasted all this
effort for nothing.

** Myriad Harbor. This song is urban/sexy/funky/fun. If songs were shoes
this would be a pair of brown vintage boots. If chocolate, it'd be a
chocolate-covered cherry: all messy and sweet. The male vocals are haughty
and wonderful, instantly transporting you to the packed New York streets
with all its style and buzzing energy.

** Failsafe. This song has a great beat. A great beat. To be honest, I've
no clue what it's about but it doesn't matter, you'll still want to dance
around your room, arms flailing about.

** Unguided. Poetic, ephemeral, beautiful, moving. This is a song to get
lost in.

I hope to inspire you to check out their music or, at the very
least, gently remind you of the joy in discovering new sounds. Happy
listening. May your ears be thankful...

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Filed under // music

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August 29, 2008

Thoughts on a Friday in the City...

I want to be on the beach, roasting like a chicken in the sun. I want to swim in the salty ocean and splash away from jelly fish. I want to eat Doritos there, on my yellow striped towel, until the flavoring coats my fingertips with orange, and then I want to lick it off. I want to fall asleep, heavy and dark, and wake to sweat matting down my hair, sand grinding into my cheek. I want to be near the sea with all its smells, its hungry birds, its ocean sprays, its peace...where oh where do you want to be?

Click here to download:

Thoughts_on_a_Friday_in_the_Ci.zip (6707 KB)

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August 27, 2008

Sometimes in the morning after

it rains I can smell it

through my window. It's a subtle, dewy,

sweet smell that makes me

smile. On those mornings I don't

want to start my day. I just want

to be

curled up, palms

together under my head, and smell the

earth expel itself into the air.

in the morning, after

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Filed under // poem

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August 22, 2008

Drink your Coffee Black and Sugarcoat Your Life...

Black coffee, black coffee, how great are you?

With all your ground beans and flavors so true....

Who decided to put sugar in coffee? It's like putting salt on a pickle-- totally unnecessary. Okay, maybe that's a bad comparison but still... why do we need everything to be so damn sweet? Not only do we put cinnamon & sugar on bagels now, but we put candy in ice cream and dip Oreos in chocolate. Enough already. What happened to the natural flavor of things? Why eat a candy apple when an apple is already crisp and sweet? We're living in an age of sugar-a-holics. A friend recently told me that her co-worker puts 21 packets of Splenda in her morning coffee. 21 packets! What the hell?

Is life not as sweet? Are we making up for our dry, bland, tasteless lives?

I say: put sugar in your life not your belly.

How to put some sugar in your life:

Smile at a stranger, give money to a street musician, kiss a friend, write a thank you, put a :) in an email, dance for your roommate, cook a dinner (from scratch), gmail chat with an old acquaintance, ride your bike, be nice to your Mom, do the dishes, watch The Neverending Story, braid your hair, shave your head, play Guitar Hero, roast marshmallows, water a plant, say thank you, play cards, walk a dog, listen without interrupting, read an old love letter, buy a new music album, people watch, eat alone, join the mile high club, detox your body, listen to bird calls, put on sunscreen, sleep on an air mattress and give your guest the bed, tip the coffee guy, take a road trip, swing in a hammock, smile for no reason except that you can...

And drink your coffee black, enjoying all the rich & simple goodness in life...

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Filed under // coffee food personal reflection

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August 21, 2008

Nocturnal Lessons...

Okay. So, I planned on blogging today about something positive, upbeat, inspirational. But I got drunk last night. How do these two pieces of information relate? Well, I learned a valuable lesson and am willing to share my personal story in an attempt to prevent someone from doing this in the future. It's good to learn from the mistakes of others...

The Lesson: Don't (please allow me to repeat that for emphasis) Don't get drunk and be within a 10-foot radius of a computer. I mean it, don't do it. I did and as a result, I sent a very brief but, nevertheless, very embarrassing drunk e-mail.

Now, I was known for this sort of behavior in college, drunk dialing someone I rarely talked to and had some sort of complicated past with. The relief in a drunk dial is that the person (or voicemail) on the other end can quickly decipher your drunken state through your slurred voice, hiccups, and amazing ability to break out into song (or tears). All is excused. But the computer is a far more dangerous medium. The receiver of the 'email' cannot tell what your sobriety state is and therefore may assume that this is an important message that's been brewing inside you for quite some time. He/she may think you want a heart-to-heart or that your feelings are so overwhelming for him that you had to get out of bed at 4am and email them just so you could get some sleep. While this is not the case, there is no indication to the receiver that he/she should think otherwise.

And people, no matter how good of an idea it seems after two martinis, a glass of wine, and shot of tequila...you cannot retract it. Remember this. And remember too that the person you choose to email is not going to be someone that you've talked to in awhile. No, it's going to be someone far enough removed that you don't have their phone number anymore, that's why you've resorted to an email in the first place. That, or like me, you just happen to be on the computer listening to some music and it seemed like a great idea.

When inebriated, anything that seems like a great idea is a horrible one and one you will most definitely regret when dawn breaks the next day. In fact, now that I think about it, things that seem like a bad idea when drunk-- drinking water, going home alone, passing on the third round of shots--is usually a good one and things that seem like a good idea-- emailing, making phone calls, dancing-- is usually bad.

So the moral of this episode is: When drunk, do whatever seems like a bad idea. And, if possible, put a password protection on your computer that's prompted if your logging in after midnight. And make that password so difficult that you'll never remember it. I suggest making the password something like: u7t3l=5b3545%&

Good luck and stay smart...

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Filed under // embarassing moments personal reflection

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August 20, 2008