Many people mistakenly overestimate the role of will power...
-- Carl G. Jung
My friend works out. She works out hard, running, lifting weights, going to the gym. She's strong and disciplined and devoted. She called me the other day, a hint of sadness in her voice, ' I can't stop eating at night. During the day I am so good but at night I reach for potato chips, dip, cheese, brownies, whatever is around.'
It's like as soon as we say 'I can't' something else takes control and drives us. I once told a guy, I can't talk to you anymore and then I waited a few hours, maybe even a day before I reached out to him. Can/Can't Yes/No-- what's so wrong with the grey area? It's all fuzzy in there, nothing is defined, anything and everything can happen in the
shit,-I-don't-know room.
The problem with that is the good, bad, and ugly can be in there too. A very adventurous friend of mine told me about a trip he took to a dark room. I, being my naive self, started asking him all sorts of questions like, how long did you wait to expose the film, what kind of chemicals did you use? etc, etc. Until his facial expression made me stop. What? I squeaked out, sensing I had misunderstood.
Apparently the dark room he had visited was a club where all the lights were turned off, everyone got naked and groped around for other bodies in the dark, using their fingers as a guide. Yikes.
Sometimes I feel that's what the grey area of life feels like. When you lose your will power, when you slip up, or unleash, or simply let go, you are suddenly naked, exposed, feeling through the darkness with nothing as your guide. Will you fall into a tightly toned decision or end up mashing your fingers into someone's lumpy back?
But as there are two sides to a coin, so too are there two sides to any situation. And while we can harness our will power and suppress our desires, they can still come out, and in funky ass ways. And besides, what's so wrong with fully living life, giving up control, enjoying the moment, and freeing ourselves of all the rules we adhere to everyday?
It's topics like this that tangle me all up, confuse and bewilder me and leave me struggling to chose. Should I or shouldn't I, lights on or lights off? Do those Clapper folks have it? When in doubt, change your mind? And with the clap of your hands, you'll be back in the white light, safe, stable, and at peace being good (but bored)...
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