nataliekresen’s posterous

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April 6, 2009

That b*tch is crazy

 

Not all labels are good. Sure it's nice, even necessary to have a label on something like a can of tomatoes. It helps you to identify what it is. But labeling hair cuts, clothing tags, or more aggressively, people, is inextricably linked to positive/negative judgments. Labeling breaks up unity and invites ostracism in. Labeling attacks people and the truth of situations.
 
Take for example, the commonly used cliched phrase, ' that b*tch is crazy'. How many times have we heard a disgruntled man say, 'she is crazy' after a romantic relationship concludes? No matter how forgiving, understanding, hard working she was in the relationship, her entire character gets destroyed the moment her ex announces she is 'crazy'. And people tend to agree with these statements. Men and women alike. Because it's easier to point a finger and place total blame on the other person.
 
And people feel good pointing with the accuser because it validates happenings in their own lives. Yes, she is crazy. She must be because I've known women who are crazy too. Because in one small cruel word, all responsibility comes off the person saying it. I've done nothing wrong, I am simply a victim. It is a childish defense mode that is eerily similar to 'he made me do it', commonly used among children between the ages of 3 to 14.
 
3 to 14. Where is our progress? Everyone knows situations aren't black and white. We know because we've been in them, so why does it feel so good to label the person on the other side in an unflattering, and untruthful way: he's an asshole, she's easy, he's a jerk, she's a b*tch? Anyone who supports such labels is no more an adult than a child chewing on a cheerio.
 
I challenge people who do this to stop looking through a pin hole and adopt a bigger view. The ability to step outside yourself or outside of a one sided story, is the ability to gain more compassion, truth, and understanding.
 
Rise up and expand, be like a bird and soar; see truth as it really is, this amazing mishmash of light and dark, this blur of colors. In truth, it is no more the fault of rain that a river bank overflows than it is the wind's, clouds', or river itself.
 
Let's stop the villainizing and leave it for the cartoons. Let's see individuals for who they really are: light, dark, stormy, calm, beautiful, weak. When we allow others to be all of who they really are, we allow ourselves to be the same. This is experiencing our greatness. And greatness can be found in both the shadows and the light. For one can not exist without the other.   

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March 9, 2009

Along the way



"The greatest precept is continual awareness."
                                                            -- Buddhist saying
 
This morning I awoke in my close curtained room.
 
It was softer, more quiet than usual. Slivers of light pierced through the fabric folds and something stirred slightly. Something unnameable, alive but muted. I lay there groggy, limbs comfortably askew, trying to bring my mind into full consciousness, trying to connect with the moment & be present. After all, there was nothing outside this except past and future, there was no need to think at all.
 
But I could feel my mind grow brighter, clearer, and it came out screaming like a baby from a womb. Battling the peace in that room, shouldering through with must do, must do, must do, drowning out all the glory in silence, in morning, in life and its sublime moments. And I learned something altogether new about my mind. Learned it wants a war with the present, wants to pull me down with it. And we left that moment, my mind and I, stumbling together, crashing & rolling, bruising all that was holy along the way.


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October 1, 2008

Cabins, Creeks and Panic Attacks...

Once upon a time, we all lived in wilderness. We hunted for food and had warmth from fire. We communicated through song, storytelling, hieroglyphics in caves. We grew smarter and created tangible objects that made survival easier, objects like weapons, clothing, shelter, cookware. We evolved. And with this evolution came more and more things.

And man became dependant on these things, identified himself through these things, this is mine and that is yours, we can borrow, lend ,and steal, but this was always mine and that, always yours. Bling bling arose, symbolizing nothing more than status. Look, if I wear a $ chain encrusted with diamonds around my neck, I'm accomplished, I'm secure, I'm the man. If I drive a Porsche I am better than you. If I wear hemp I'm more mellow and laid back, and me, wearing the purple skinny jeans, I'm cooler than you, deeper and more creative. Things have become so entangled with the image of who we are that sometimes it's hard to separate the two.

The separation: My things got angry with me this weekend and I, in turn, felt upset without them . Eight long hours and a drive down a rugged gravel road later, my friends and I arrived safely at my dad's cabin in-the-middle-of-the-woods. My ever hospitable dad was waiting for our arrival that clocked in at 3:30am. Tired and worn down, I figured I'd fall right to sleep. I bundled into the blankets and sunk heavily in the bed. Silence. My friend got scared, It's so quiet. And it was. it was so quiet I began to squirm, my eyes opened wider, my breath quickened. Was silence like this possible? Have I disappeared? In the pitch black darkness without a sound, I tossed for hours, praying a few loud cars would drive by to help lull me to sleep. But, to no avail, I passed out a few hours later from pure exhaustion.

Now, prior to the trip, I hadn't told my roommate how unconnected we really were. No computer, no cell service w-h-a-t-s-o-e-v-e-r. Nope, just bears and trees and creeks. She had a mini panic attack. Actually, she had several over the course of the day. She did dances with her arms while holding her Blackberry. Crazy dances, ones I've never seen before. All in a last ditch attempt to find one bar so she could send an email. We finally found her some air space while in the truck driving to a hiking spot. She took advantage, her fingers moving rapidly over the mini keyboard at lighting speed. She could have won a contest with her skills. And then, cell phone bars lost again and back to trees, bonfires, and hot dogs on sticks.

It took me a day and half to ease into it. A day and a half to relax into my chair by the fire and be at peace watching its luminescent flames. I didn't have a million thoughts running through my head, didn't worry about checking emails or returning phone calls, didn't worry about anything except maybe a weird animal popping out and scaring me. I listened to the sounds of water, swung on the porch swing and enjoyed a chat with a friend as we walked over moss, through trees. It was rustic and peaceful. Enchanting.

It was a glimpse of a more pure time. A time when we weren't ruled by our gadgets. And it reminded me that life is kinder when in balance. The spirit and soul need their toys too, need peace, quiet, relaxation, a break from the hecticness.

Life ebbs and flows but it also needs to collect into pools sometimes and just circulate, or even stagnate, until the next big rain. This week it would behoove you to take some time out for yourself. Your self. So that you can be reminded that the world does not stop if we do but rather, becomes all the more alive if we are there, present in the moment, to bear it witness.

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September 19, 2008

The balancing act...

It's cold today. Fall is coming to New York, a breeze is blowing through and the pavement feels like stones buried under a shaded tree. No heat heavy air, no wet skin, no dirty sewer steam spewing from the ground. Fall. Funny how its name doesn't fit. To fall is clumsy, it's hot and hurried, a quick mishap straight to the ground. When I was 15 I fell in an airport. I was running to catch a plane, a million bags strapped around my neck and I tripped over the bottom of my pants. I fell with such force that my arms and legs shot out in the shape of an X and I skidded (yes, I actually skidded) across the floor and then, like a squirrel collecting acorns, tried to gather up all my belongings as quickly as I could. People cheered, whistled, clapped. I'll never forget that day and how it ruined the word 'fall' for me.

But to be fair, personal anecdotes aside, I suppose the word Fall can be justified to fit its season. After all, it is the time of year when things begin to die, fall, disappear. Leaves fall from trees, animals fall into their homes, preparing for winter, insects, bears, squirrels, all fall away from sight. Birds migrate and summer falls, crumbles, loses its heat.

There is something elegant in this, in losing one's bearings, in losing control and submitting to gravity. In submitting to the natural flow of life. To fall is to be vulnerable, weak for a moment, human. And to stand up, rejuvenating, invigorating, exciting. You're full of laughs and embarrassment and heat and that heat will help carry you forward. It too will diffuse but somewhere deep inside you, stirring at times, ready to pick you up again. The actual fall is the lowest point of feeling, it's the before and after that are loaded with sensations. And Fall too is the season between extremes, it balances out the heat and cold, prepares us for the darker days that are ahead and soothes us from the heat that came before.  It's the season of peace, the moment in between, the gentle, inevitable, balancing act.

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September 8, 2008

Humor and stepping outside

Now I for one can always appreciate a bit of humor at the expense of the human mind. So, when flipping through the New Yorker this morning, I chuckled at the cartoon you see above. I love the animator's ability to shine a light on the absurdity of human doubt and self deprecation.

May it serve as a reminder to step outside your head this week...

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August 14, 2008

Bigger isn't always better...

The most beautiful moments in life are the small ones.

They're the one's we're least likely to notice. We get so caught up in our :

√  daily schedules,

√  our endless slew of errands,

√  our heads,

that we're always entangled in a mash of thoughts & concerns & stresses. We're so focused on striving ahead that we forget that there's a now and this now is breathing with life: real, beautiful, tangible, temporal life. Notice it. 
 

 

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